A Merry Ballad for a Weeping Mustache
I had a boil upon my ass.
It lingered year by year,
But on a sudden Saturday,
The boil just slipped away.
I called my doctor right away
To share the joyful cry,
But he didn’t pick up the phone —
He was dancing drunk outside.
It was old Doctor Andrade,
Venezuelan, friend and guide,
He was dancing in the open streets
The night Maduro fell.
Maduro was a mustache with legs,
Who danced like Trump, in view.
Now he dreams of Guantánamo,
And says “goodnight, goodnight” too.
How wondrous is the ground,
Of all my American friends,
That even the biggest orangutan
Can learn new tongues in the end.
Maduro woke up one fine day,
He climbed down from his coconut tree,
And started shouting out at Trump:
“Trump, come here, you coward!”
And generous as he always is,
Trump heard the urgent call,
And for Christmas, he paid a visit,
Bringing Delta Force to Maduro’s hall.
Just like the Christ-child gets his toys,
Trump went to “Fuente Tiuna” with glee,
To shower gifts upon poor Maduro,
With “Chinooks” and fireworks bright.
The Venezuelans celebrate,
While all the left starts to weep,
The damn leftist radicals
Spout nonsense about international law deep.
How interesting these folks,
Who suddenly care about justice and rights,
That Maduro’s been breaking for thirteen long years,
Breaking laws right under everyone’s nose
It’s logical that the progressive leaders cry,
With their Maduro-backed cash running dry,
But when the leftist base sheds tears,
They clearly haven’t toured the Helicoide here.
Jaime Bayly is happy,
González is smiling too,
María Corina is joyful,
And so is all the crew.
There’s just one foolish soul,
Sadly, he’s Spanish too,
The ex-president Zapatero,
Why does he weep out of view?
Freedom has finally begun,
And I bid this happy ballad farewell,
My Bolivarian boil has vanished,
And Caracas lost its silly monkey.
Paraphrasing Ogden Nash,
I just want to add:
God in His wisdom made the mustachioed guy,
And then forgot to tell us why.
Disclaimer: I’m not a very good poet in Spanish… just imagine what I’m capable of in English!
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