Category: prison
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How faith sustained me in my darkest hour
I am a retired Navy lieutenant commander who served our nation for nearly two decades in the intelligence community. My wife, Sharon, and I spent years running a successful software company serving federal agencies. We were living peacefully on our small family farm in Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley when, in a pre-dawn SWAT raid, armor-clad FBI agents shattered our lives following the January 6 protest at the nation’s Capitol.
What followed was my arrest for a crime I never committed, solitary confinement in what I can only describe as an icy dungeon, and a battle through a politically driven legal system determined to crush everything Sharon and I had built together.
The thought consumed me: I’m never getting out of here. Why not take control?
There are moments in life when everything you thought defined you simply ceases to exist. For me, that moment came in a Virginia supermax solitary confinement cell, lying on cold concrete after being struck in the spine by a guard, unable to draw a full breath, watching uniformed backs disappear through a steel door that slammed with finality.
In that cell, I had no pride, no dignity, no vanity, no vitality, no ambition, no joy, no self-respect, no ego, no hope. I was reduced to what I can only describe as the rapidly hammering heart of human anguish.
I’ve spent considerable time thinking about whether places of extreme suffering have the power to trap a person’s essence — whether dungeons and passageways can hold people captive by imprinting upon them the heartache, grief, and distress endured, replaying that wretchedness and pain in a perpetual loop across time itself. In those solitary confinement catacombs, I felt that I was living in exactly such a place.
The darkest thought came to me with unexpected clarity: As a Christian, I know I am going to heaven. This knowledge, when I thought too much about it, formed an excellent argument for suicide. Why endure this abuse when I could be with Jesus, with friends and family, with my puppy in heaven? I wouldn’t shake there. I wouldn’t hurt or ache any more. It would stop the pain. In the depths of my hopelessness, this thought gave me a feeling of relief. My suffering would end, and Sharon could live and be free.
I was so far gone that I let the enemy put these thoughts in my head. Death, which should have come to me many years from now as a benevolent old friend bringing gifts of peace and rest, instead clung to my being like a fungus rooted in desperation and despair. I heard other inmates talk of it through the walls and in the passageways — to no one in particular, or at least to no one somebody else could see.
The thought consumed me: I’m never getting out of here. Why not take control?
So I told the Lord then and there that I wanted to come home to Him, to end all of this, and I asked Him to make it so. My will to go on had fled me. Unless you have reached the point of total physical and emotional collapse, I’m not sure I can make you understand. In a way, I was already dead.
That might have been the first and only time this confessed control freak had ever said “Your will be done, Father,” and really meant it.
I had no control over anything in my desiccated world, but I had the ability to relinquish control of my life that day. Nothing that I owned or that I thought was a part of me existed in that hell. Was this “dying to self”? Those curious Bible words suddenly made sense.
It had something to do with my idea of the sum of me as a human being — my personal, selfish desires, the things I wanted or ever thought I did, my plans for a happy future with Sharon. I couldn’t clearly picture them any more. They were lost like last night’s dreams, forgotten with the free man’s morning coffee.
Right now, they counted for exactly nothing.
I didn’t know how to pray at that moment. I was too beaten down, and I didn’t have the tongue for it. All I could offer was: “Whatever You have planned is much better than this, Lord. Let’s try that, please, because this place totally sucks.”
With the warning lights on the remnant of my life force glaring a constant red, He took me in.
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Gary Hershorn/Getty Images
That surrender — that complete, desperate relinquishment of control — was the moment my faith stopped being something I professed and became something I lived. Not in victory, but in total defeat. Not in strength, but in absolute weakness. It was there, in that place of utter brokenness, that I discovered what faith actually means: trusting God when you have nothing left, not even yourself.
Through years of persecution, Sharon and I were repeatedly pulled from the brink by what I can only describe as miraculous events. Our marital bond and our enduring faith in God sustained us through a battle against overwhelming odds. In a federal courtroom where I faced slander, perjury, and falsification of evidence, it was that moment of complete surrender in solitary confinement — when I finally meant “Your will be done” — that gave me the strength to endure what seemed unendurable.
I am living proof that faith isn’t found in our strength, but in God’s strength when ours has completely failed.
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Tommy Robinson has the last laugh after politically motivated terrorism arrest: ‘Free speech won!’
Tommy Robinson has long drawn the ire and attention of British establishmentarians by raising hell about the fallout of mass immigration, the failure of multiculturalism in England, the threats posed by radical Islam, and the cover-up of the Pakistani rape-gang scandal.
British Prime Minister Keir Starmer, various other politicians, and even some woke clergymen have condemned him; multiple social media platforms have banned him; and he was even told to stay clear of an entire city.
‘Thank you for raising the flag of England whilst so many cowards cowered.’
The desperation to shut Robinson up or, at the very least, make him go away manifested last year in the form of an unjustified police stop, which resulted in his indictment on a terrorism charge under the British equivalent of the Patriot Act.
To the likely chagrin of Robinson’s detractors in parliament and to the delight of his supporters on the scene, Judge Sam Goozee of the Westminster Magistrates’ Court cleared the 42-year-old activist on Tuesday, agreeing with the defense that the stop was unlawful and that police discriminated against Robinson because of what he stands for and his political beliefs.
“That judge’s verdict is a slam down against the police,” Robinson told reporters outside the courthouse. “Read what he says. Read about the evidence. It was corrupt. It was unlawful.”
“I’m frustrated still. I should be happy. I’m not happy because I shouldn’t be put through this time and time again,” Robinson added.
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photo by Mark Kerrison/In Pictures via Getty Images
On July 28, 2024 — a day after organizing a political rally — Robinson was detained by Kent police under Schedule 7 of the Terrorism Act while attempting to travel to Spain, where he now lives. During his detention, Robinson was told to give police the PIN necessary to access his phone.
Robinson allegedly told police, “Not a chance, bruv. … You look like a c**t, so you ain’t having it,” adding that his phone contained sensitive “journalist material” regarding “vulnerable girls.”
Alisdair Williamson, Robinson’s lawyer, emphasized during the trial that Robinson “was stopped unlawfully, detained unlawfully for 40 minutes, and asked questions that were something to do with his political beliefs.”
Judge Goozee evidently agreed, finding on Tuesday that the stop did not appear motivated by any genuine suspicion of terrorism but rather by Robinson’s beliefs, which altogether qualify under the law as a protected characteristic. The judge also took issue with the police officers’ apparent selective amnesia regarding the incident and credibility.
Goozee said in his ruling, “I cannot put out of my mind that it was actually what you stood for and your beliefs that acted as the principle reason for the stop,” the Guardian reported.
“I cannot convict you,” the judge added.
In addition to questioning what happens now to the counterterrorism officers who unlawfully targeted him, Robinson thanked Elon Musk after the trial, stating, “I’m forever grateful. If you didn’t step in to fund my legal fight for this, then I’d probably be in jail. So today, free speech won!”
Elon Musk responded, “Thank you for raising the flag of England whilst so many cowards cowered.”
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