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What we lose when we rush past pain
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear,” wrote C.S. Lewis in “A Grief Observed” after the death of his wife. Grief often strips away our certainties, leaving us to fear if God is who we thought He was, or if our suffering has any meaning at all. In allowing grief to become his teacher, Lewis left a road map for others, showing how to sit with sorrow, process it, and respect both loss and trauma.
That understanding doesn’t come casually; it takes time. In that willingness to observe pain rather than manage it lies a quiet reverence, a recognition that some experiences are not meant to be conquered but understood.
Suffering doesn’t exist to make us louder or more righteous. It exists to make us wiser — to teach maturity, not mobilize outrage.
I watched a young widow step into public life just weeks after her husband’s death. The world called her strong — and maybe she is — but what I saw most was sorrow: raw, recent, and surrounded by noise.
We rush to praise courage yet hesitate to sit with grief. Pain now unfolds before an audience eager to watch and quicker still to turn sorrow into argument. The question isn’t whether we’ll look, but how. Will we meet grief with reverence or rhetoric?
Suffering doesn’t exist to make us louder or more righteous. It exists to make us wiser — to teach maturity, not mobilize outrage.
When nations grieve
What’s true for one heart is true for a nation. After 9/11, America was ready to fight — and we did. But what did we learn? How did we grow? What did we lose along the way? Pain can rally a nation, yet fail to mature its people. Did we take enough time to observe our national trauma?
The lives lost, the wounded carried home, and the enormous resources spent all suggest we did not. And what is true of nations is true of hearts: When we rush past pain, we forfeit the wisdom it offers.
The thought that God rules our pain can make us flinch. If God doesn’t rule it, suffering has no purpose — something to endure but not to transform. His sovereignty may not always appear kind, yet as William Cowper reminded us, “Behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face.”
In four decades as a caregiver, I’ve learned that trauma has its own language, one that will not be hurried or managed. It needs presence, patience, and space. Dr. Diane Langberg, who has spent her life among the wounded, often reminds us, “We dare not rush what God Himself is willing to sit with.” That is ministry: sitting beside, not speaking over.
The wisdom of mourning
The Jewish people understand this. When someone dies, the bereaved sit shiva — seven days of stillness and shared silence. Friends come not to fix but to accompany. Then comes sheloshim — 30 days to move slowly back toward life. For a parent, mourning extends a full year. Their wisdom tells us what our culture forgets: Mourning isn’t an interruption of life; it’s part of it.
We can learn from that rhythm. When tragedy strikes, our nation lowers its flags to half-staff. For a day or two, we pause, reflect, and pray. Then the flags rise again and life resumes. That is understandable for a country, but not for a soul. For the bereaved, the flag stays lowered long after the headlines fade.
Even the church can hurry the hurting. We mistake composure for recovery and public strength for peace. But grief that is forced to perform eventually breaks in private and sometimes spills into public.
When my wife, Gracie, lost her legs and entered decades of agony, healing did not come through attention or activity. It came through grace, tears, and time, mostly in obscurity. People see her sing or laugh and assume she has gotten over it, that she’s moved past it. What they do not see is that she had to redefine her life; this is her life. Someone once told me, “Process the pain privately, share the process publicly.” That wisdom has steadied us for years.
The quiet saints of suffering
Our culture is too quick to parade its wounded on stages when they would be better served by sitting in stillness, in pajamas or sweats, without having to put on makeup or smile for the cameras.
I’ve seen that truth in lives like Joni Eareckson Tada’s, who has lived with quadriplegia (paralysis affecting all four limbs and the torso) for nearly 60 years after a diving accident. In her, suffering has distilled faith into something deep and steady, strong enough to hold her and extend grace to others who suffer.
Forgiveness, like healing, takes time. To forgive is not to excuse or forget; it is to trust God with justice and mercy, believing He knows what we cannot. Forgiveness is faith expressed with open hands — the slow loosening of the grip around another’s throat.
Philip Yancey once observed that grace, like water, flows to the lowest places. That is where I have found it: in hospital corridors, in the lonely watches of the night, and in the long quiet of waiting rooms. Not in applause or attention, but in the hush where pain meets patience.
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Photo by Anadolu / Contributor via Getty Images
The best model for us
Our culture distracts us from sorrow, rushing past pain as if speed can save us. “Don’t look in the rearview mirror,” people say. “Keep moving forward. Get past it.” But some wounds do not recede with distance. They remain, reshaping who we are and how we see the world. Grief, but only if we resist the urge to flee from it.
Scripture tells us that Jesus Himself was “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). If He carried sorrow, then sorrow itself is not unclean. His setting apart for redemption doesn’t happen on cue, not in our timeframe. It unfolds in God’s time, often unseen and unhurried. Our pain, when entrusted to Him, becomes something consecrated, set apart not for ruin but for restoration. In His hands, our sorrow becomes sacred ground.
When trauma shatters a life, our calling is not to elevate but to shelter. We are called to stand nearby like those who sit shiva, unhurried and unafraid of silence. We can only observe another’s trauma, but God enters it. The wounds in His hands and side show us that He understands the anguish of loss, rejection, even death. His way is not avoidance but presence, and His model is a good one for us.
Solitude with God is not empty silence, but the stillness where His healing takes root. The psalmist wrote, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). In that quiet, we see what countless believers across the ages have discovered: Even what was meant for evil, God weaves for good. He does not waste our sorrow. When we trust His timing, the trauma observed gives way to the grace observed.
REVOLTING: Canadian advocacy groups push euthanasia program for CHILDREN
Canada already has one of the world’s most expansive and permissive euthanasia programs. Under current law, adults don’t even need a terminal illness to apply for Medical Assistance in Dying. Chronic illnesses and disabilities are qualifying conditions as long as the patient is of sound mind.
But some advocacy organizations, such as Dying with Dignity Canada, want the law to be expanded to include “mature minors” — youth as young as 12, who they argue can demonstrate full decision-making capacity, with added “safeguards” such as mandatory parental consent for teens 15 and younger. Sixteen- and 17-year-olds, they argue, are mature enough to agree to be euthanized without their parents’ permission.
Canada’s Special Joint Committee on Medical Assistance in Dying apparently agrees. In February 2023, the committee determined that “eligibility for MAID should not be denied on the basis of age alone.”
While the Canadian government has announced no plans to expand MAID in this way, the issue of “mature minors” will likely resurface in 2027, when Parliament re-evaluates the program’s next major expansion — whether to allow MAID for people whose only medical condition is a mental illness.
When Pat Gray, BlazeTV host of “Pat Gray Unleashed,” heard of Canada’s MAID advocacy for minors, he had no other word for it than “evil.”
“Nothing else explains that,” he sighs. “It’s unbelievable. Canada has just, they’ve gone off a cliff.”
To hear more, watch the video below.
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To enjoy more of Pat’s biting analysis and signature wit as he restores common sense to a senseless world, subscribe to BlazeTV — the largest multi-platform network of voices who love America, defend the Constitution, and live the American dream.
Avoid these 9 car-rental rip-offs
Renting a car should be simple: You reserve a vehicle, drive it, and return it at the end of your trip.
But for millions of travelers each year, what seems like a straightforward process can quickly become a source of frustration and unexpected costs.
In 2024, US car-rental companies collected more than $2 billion in optional insurance and add-on fees.
Hidden fees, deceptive insurance upsells, false damage claims, and overpriced extras have become all too common, turning a simple rental into a costly experience. Understanding how rental companies operate and knowing what to watch for can save you time, money, and stress.
1. Hidden fees
One of the most pervasive problems in car rentals is the hidden fee. Travelers are often lured in with low advertised rates, only to be shocked when extra charges appear on their final bill.
These can include cleaning fees, administrative charges, or taxes that were not clearly disclosed. A rate that appears to be $25 a day can quickly balloon when additional costs are tacked on. The key to avoiding these surprises is vigilance: reading the contract carefully, asking for a full breakdown of potential charges, and choosing reputable rental companies that provide transparency from the start.
2. Fuel charges
Fuel charges are another frequent source of frustration. Many agencies offer prepaid fuel options, promising convenience at a flat rate. In reality, these plans often overcharge travelers. A prepaid tank might cost $70, while filling up locally could cost half that. The best strategy is to select a policy requiring you to return the car full and refuel it yourself, giving you control over price and avoiding overpayment.
3. Insurance upselling
Insurance upselling is a classic tactic at rental counters. Agents may encourage you to purchase extra coverage, claiming your personal insurance or credit card benefits are insufficient. Many credit cards already include rental car insurance, and personal auto policies often extend coverage to rentals. Knowing what protections you already have, and bringing proof, allows you to confidently decline unnecessary insurance and avoid paying for coverage you don’t need.
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Mark Sullivan/Getty Images
4. Damage claims
Damage claims can create even bigger headaches. Renters are frequently billed for scratches, dents, or other damage that existed before their rental. Without proper documentation, disputing these charges can be difficult. To protect yourself, inspect the car thoroughly before and after driving, take comprehensive photos or videos, and ensure any pre-existing damage is recorded by the rental agent. A few minutes of documentation can prevent thousands of dollars in unjust repair charges.
5. ‘Free’ upgrades
Even seemingly generous “free” upgrades can carry hidden costs. A larger or fancier car may require premium gasoline, have lower fuel efficiency, or carry higher insurance rates. What seems like a perk can quickly become an unexpected expense. Always confirm the details of any upgrade before accepting it and assess whether it truly makes sense for your trip.
6. Early return penalties
Timing is another area where fees can accumulate. Early returns may trigger additional charges, as some companies consider schedule changes disruptive to their fleet planning. Returning a vehicle late, even by an hour, can also result in steep penalties, sometimes amounting to a full extra day’s rental. Understanding the agency’s policies, communicating any changes in advance, and planning your return carefully are essential to avoid unnecessary fees.
7. Unauthorized driver penalties
Unauthorized drivers are another hidden cost. If someone not listed on the rental agreement drives the vehicle, you may face significant penalties. This can be particularly costly during family trips when multiple people share driving duties. The solution is straightforward: Ensure every driver is added to the contract up front. Some companies even offer one free additional driver, which can reduce the financial burden and prevent insurance complications.
8. Location surcharges
Location surcharges are a more subtle form of deception. Renting at airports or central city locations is convenient, but convenience comes at a premium. Airport locations can be 20% to 30% more expensive than nearby off-site branches. Taking the time to compare rates at alternative locations and factoring in transportation costs can yield substantial savings.
9. Add-on accessories and services
Additional accessories and services: GPS devices, car seats, and toll passes are often priced exorbitantly. Renting a car seat can cost $15 to $20 per day, adding up to over $100 for a week-long trip. Smartphones equipped with navigation apps can replace GPS units at no extra cost, and parents can often check car seats on flights for free, avoiding rental fees altogether.
Protect yourself
The reality is that the rental industry profits heavily from these practices. In 2024, U.S. car-rental companies collected more than $2 billion in optional insurance and add-on fees, a significant portion of which came from products renters didn’t truly need. Legal challenges have occasionally forced companies to settle claims over hidden fees and false damage charges, but systemic issues remain.
Navigating this environment requires preparation and awareness. Researching rental companies in advance, documenting the condition of the vehicle, confirming coverage with your insurance and credit card, and reading the fine print of agreements are essential steps. Avoiding high-pressure sales tactics, understanding the cost implications of upgrades, and planning for return times can save significant money and prevent unpleasant surprises.
While consumer advocacy and regulation are slowly increasing transparency, renters remain the first line of defense against these tactics. Until industry-wide standards are strictly enforced, vigilance is essential. Understanding how companies maximize profits and where they might bend the rules puts you back in control of your rental experience.
Renting a car doesn’t have to be stressful. With careful planning, attention to detail, and knowledge of potential pitfalls, travelers can avoid unnecessary costs and enjoy a smoother, more predictable journey. In the world of car rentals, the most important tool is not a GPS or a car seat, it’s knowledge.
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