Category: Satire
Diary of a Very Dark Tuesday
Night of rain, lightning, and thunder. Monday night sliding into Tuesday. One of the worst nights of the week because,…
The Sports I Tried While Trying to Lose Weight
I’ve put on a little weight this Christmas. National Geographic called to offer me a job: starring in a documentary…
The White Supremacists Have Taken Over!
Right now, the United States is crawling with more than 86 million white supremacists! That’s according to Cea Weaver, New…
Guest Column: I’m Also a Victim of Zionist Aggression and Islamophobia. Where Are My Encampments?
In 2024, I watched and cheered as American students risked their lives to stand on the right side of history. They skipped meals, slept in tents, and boycotted exams. In the course of this honorable struggle, they transformed the manicured lawns of America’s finest universities into moral battlegrounds, the epicenter of a globalized intifada.
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A Merry Ballad for a Weeping Mustache
I had a boil upon my ass. It lingered year by year, But on a sudden Saturday, The boil just…
2025 Rear-View Awards
If hindsight is 20/20, then 2025 was a year where irony is produced by algorithms and politicians think diplomacy is…
I’m the Most ‘Heritage American’ You’ll Ever Meet. The Rest of You Can Shut Up or Get the Hell Out.
As you’ll see, I am the quintessential “heritage American,” and if you jokers don’t like what I have to say, here’s another piece of advice: Go back to the shithole continent (Europe) from whence you came.
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The Christmas Gift List for Celebrities, Politicians, and Other Animals
You don’t always give gifts to people you like. Quite often, you have to give gifts to people you don’t….
Bombshell Report: Crockett Charged with Assaulting Police Officer in 2022
Jasmine Crockett launched her campaign for U.S. Senate on Monday, several weeks after receiving a donation from a bank account tied to Jeffrey Epstein. The congresswoman from Texas, widely regarded as one of the Democratic Party’s most talented and erudite politicians, will try her luck in the primary against state representative James Talarico after failed candidate Colin Allred dropped out at Crockett’s urging.
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Gavin Newsom’s Twisted ‘Crotch Clench’ Sparks Concern, Baffles Experts
There’s something wrong with Gavin Newsom. Americans recoiled in horror, then squinted in fascination at the images of Newsom’s appearance at the New York Times Dealbook Summit. There he was, the greaseball California governor, sitting in a chair with his legs crossed impossibly tight, protruding akimbo at improbable angles like a human swastika, a wanton display of “testicle-crushing” contortion. It was the opposite of manspreading, the inverse of kink-splaying, yet Newsom’s gnarled pose, his tangled appendages—like a steel-beamed hedgehog standing guard at Omaha Beach—still managed to intrude upon the public space in a way that many found unsettling.
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